Nuance - I Speak Dragon

tammyb Posted: 05-15-2012 7:23 PM

My name is Tammy  I have a conditon called RSD- Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. It is considered to be one of the most painful conditions known to man. There is no cure to this monster. Oddly the number one symptom is burning as if you were doused in gasoline and a match set to you. But it comes with a whole list of undesirable symptoms such as next to no sleep. fatigue, sweating,memory loss and anxiety just to name a few more.

After years of chasing a diagnosis it showed up on a bone scan and that coupled with everything I had complained about for years gave me a confirmed diagnosis.I felt relief, until I went home to research it. Meanwhile I had lost my job of 9 yrs in a medical lab and shortly after is when I found out and it explained so much. 

Then started my battle with Social Security which took about two and a half yrs to get approved. I hate to say win, because I certainly had not felt like I had won anything. I mean after all I am disabled. I joined support groups for RSD and was basically talking of it day and night. I felt and still do it is important as there is no cure so all we can do is take pain meds and there are a few treatments like a spinal cord stimulator and nerve blocks. I did try some other things to no avail.

 But you would fight to when you can't stand to be touched because it hurts so bad your instict is to swing as if you were hit. I miss my hugs the most. It controls everything even what I can wear and do.

 Well, little did I know that my whole world was about to change. My mother who was living with me and my husband was diagnosed at the end of 09 with liver cancer and then in Sept 2010 I lost my best girl friend of 30 yrs suddenly from an asthma attack. I was beside myself . And then the worst thing imaginable happened. The love of my life was diagnosed with primary brain cancer and passed away 6 mths later. I hurt so much and in so many ways. In less than 2 yrs I lost the most important people in my life. I would give anything and I mean anything to have my husband back. I had actually thought about helping myself to join him and right till the very end he was worried more about me than himself. And I realized that he fought so hard to stay here that I had no right to take the easy way out. My mom lost her battle not quite a few months ago and I am so sad but I keep my faith that God will see me through this and maybe one day I might even smile again.Tomorrow truely is never promised.